All that needs to be said

That feeling when you haven't been kissed in what feels like forever & your heart just sinks repetitively and it's only you and that person out of all others in the entire world for that moment ...

Yrs L8r Still Overthinking

I've come to terms with the fact that things will never be the same. As bittersweet as it may sound I am okay with that. He may always go back and forth in my life and he'll always have a permanent placehold somewhere deep within me but we just aren't compatible with each other. It's taken me long enough to believe it though. Of course I'll still miss him on occasion. I'll still long for us to be together -- not in a relationship-- just spending time together doing nothing important in particular.

This doesn't mean I won't be there for him. I've pinky promised him and well most of my pinky promises I have held true. I'll continue to hold onto them because they are important to me & they've always been.

He was speaking truthfully when he said I deserve better. I mean I should deserve better as does he. As much as he loves speaking about the marines and just everything he hardly asks me about myself or well anything. He clearly doesn't care about me in that way and I should've seen that sooner.

This isn't meant to bash him in anyway. I'm just trying to rearrange my thoughts and for some reason the clearest way for me is to just write the first thing that comes to mind :X

One of the greatest letters I have ever read (as cliche as it is) is the letter written by Noah to Allie in The Notebook.

"My Dearest Allie, 

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees,
learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds,
and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever.

I love you. I'll be seeing you.
Noah "

Noah honestly couldn't have said it any better if someone has spared their time, has given you the time of day, has opened up to you, has allowed you to do the same back, and is just there for you- providing happiness, warmth, love, all that they'd hope to receive back that person shouldn't be bashed when it's over. That person deserves just as much as you do to be appreciated. I believe something was there between Josh and I in our relationship. The fact that I still bring it up years later astonishes me but as it was my first relationship I entitle myself to compare everything to it. (Even when I shouldn't)

There was a combination of happiness, naivety, insecurity, corruption, tension, fun, and I still believe love. And Fall Out Boy truly has said it the best, "thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great."