I keep trying to mold this into my brain, "maybe we shouldn't text each other every second of the day
This way we'll have more to talk about when we do text"
This will give me the ammo I need to keep myself away-- even when that's the last thing I want to do. I just want you to fight for me at this point. How can you break up with me and have me fight and do things for you meanwhile you're still trying to discover your feelings? Like how is that fair in any way?
Monday, January 6, 2014
Idk what to think ?¿
Things are so hot & cold. I lost the security I had. I want to feel safe again. As if you won't just up and leave me. But you can and well you have every right to because I suck and when you say I deserve better I know you mean it for yourself and it's true you do deserve better. That's such an old trick even I've used it. I just hate how you're pressing me. You worry me and you're always on my mind. I can't help but think of you all the time and I keep having conflicting emotions because I don't know how to feel anymore. I love you soso much and all I want is to be absorbed in your life and to have you in mine. Everything is practically perfect with you. I never thought for a second that we weren't on the same page. But no we aren't on the same page and that just frightens me. I don't want our tale to finish. I don't know how to react anymore. I don't know whether to feed into all your demands and not talk to you, or to lose you so you try and miss and care for me again as you once did. I don't know whether to fight, bother, and push myself onto you. I stay here awake at 4 in the morning when I have to get up in 6hrs feeling as if I don't know how to feel or what to do and it kills me.
Also, no one breaks up with me, I repeat no one and you straight did it. And I felt so lost. Who knew I would become so freakin dependent on you. Are you even the slightest bit on me? I thought you used to be but I can't tell anymore.
It hurts to hear someone who I want to talk to every second of every day and want to spend time with and the whole nine yards with be like I think a break would be great for us or we don't have to talk every day, we'll have more to talk about if we don't. I never run out of conversation and it should be an honor that I even text someone so much or want to, ya know? Are you texting and fulfilling yourself elsewhere? Ugh I hate this so much. It makes me shake and makes me lose my appetite and just completely changes my feelings. No matter where I am I can't fully be happy when we are on bad terms. You're at the back of my mind l:
I just want carefree love. A type that I feel solace and comfort from. One in which I don't have to be frightened of you leaving me behind at any second. What the hell do you want??? I miss you so. I hope things get better but I have been losing hope. You give me some hope and then at other times you take any inkling I had left away and leave me clueless fighting fits of confusion, anger, and sadness.
I'm trying for you baby. I look at things you used to say to me and imagine you saying this to me now as if it will console me. It's so hard. I want us more than anything I've ever wanted. I see myself with you and everyone else doesn't even compare to you and the way you can make me feel. No I don't feel crazy fireworks or crazy bliss every time I'm with you but I at least feel complete. I want better than what we used to have & I hope to attain it but I'm going to wait on you because I don't want to be the only one making things happen. I can't pull us out of this when I didn't put us in it but I'll try. You hurt me more than anything before and still and I think back to when I unintentionally hurt you and I guess I deserve it.
Just please try to see things through my eyes. I'm trying to figure things through yours but it's so hard because my feelings for you are only changed because I know yours might have. I can't imagine how that just happens. Are you turned off by me? When I see you I see such a handsome, talented, amazing person what else could I possibly want besides your attention, care, love, and affection? But doubt you see any of that in me and I don't blame you.
well here's to the best /:
Also, no one breaks up with me, I repeat no one and you straight did it. And I felt so lost. Who knew I would become so freakin dependent on you. Are you even the slightest bit on me? I thought you used to be but I can't tell anymore.
It hurts to hear someone who I want to talk to every second of every day and want to spend time with and the whole nine yards with be like I think a break would be great for us or we don't have to talk every day, we'll have more to talk about if we don't. I never run out of conversation and it should be an honor that I even text someone so much or want to, ya know? Are you texting and fulfilling yourself elsewhere? Ugh I hate this so much. It makes me shake and makes me lose my appetite and just completely changes my feelings. No matter where I am I can't fully be happy when we are on bad terms. You're at the back of my mind l:
I just want carefree love. A type that I feel solace and comfort from. One in which I don't have to be frightened of you leaving me behind at any second. What the hell do you want??? I miss you so. I hope things get better but I have been losing hope. You give me some hope and then at other times you take any inkling I had left away and leave me clueless fighting fits of confusion, anger, and sadness.
I'm trying for you baby. I look at things you used to say to me and imagine you saying this to me now as if it will console me. It's so hard. I want us more than anything I've ever wanted. I see myself with you and everyone else doesn't even compare to you and the way you can make me feel. No I don't feel crazy fireworks or crazy bliss every time I'm with you but I at least feel complete. I want better than what we used to have & I hope to attain it but I'm going to wait on you because I don't want to be the only one making things happen. I can't pull us out of this when I didn't put us in it but I'll try. You hurt me more than anything before and still and I think back to when I unintentionally hurt you and I guess I deserve it.
Just please try to see things through my eyes. I'm trying to figure things through yours but it's so hard because my feelings for you are only changed because I know yours might have. I can't imagine how that just happens. Are you turned off by me? When I see you I see such a handsome, talented, amazing person what else could I possibly want besides your attention, care, love, and affection? But doubt you see any of that in me and I don't blame you.
well here's to the best /:
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