I am so lucky to have such a great person beside me atm. He's such a good person && appreciates me. I find him attractive and he knows how to rile me up. Meanwhile I am trying to get over someone else and that person plagues my mind. I can't help but think of him so much. I don't know how I should or want to feel. I'm just trying to let things happen and see where that takes me.


 I am just grateful that I have someone so great here. I'm trying.

Dunno

Saw you tonight & of course I still have feelings for you. Everything in me sank & I've been wanting to see you. I've practically been trying to find you in most things while also trying to get over you. It doesn't help because my heart and mind brings me back to you but I have been keeping myself distracted other ways. Helps me forget but I can't forget you. I think of you and care about you so much and that all kills me and idk why I can barely help myself. I couldn't acknowledge you & it's not like you would to me either. Haven't gone out of your way and I doubt you will. It hurts to think this. Pretty damn sad what we turned into. I'm not even sure how to react to you because I know what I want and what I should are two completely separate things and I can't do what I did before. It led to you leaving, to you losing feelings, to all the things you ever said being so completely false. Idk how I trusted you so much. Not like you're back now. Not like anything. I hate our situation. I doubt there even is one for you. I'm nothing to you. How sad is that?! I gotta stop. I really cared and loved you, I still have feelings that I can't just forget for you. But hey you don't and that's what I've been harnessing to keep me from fighting for you. You haven't fought for me. You haven't proved an ounce to me. I think about you so much. I wonder where all this thinking is going for me ...lately it hasn't helped me much. Not seeing you and creating a new life for myself  has helped but seeing you, seeing your friends, continually seeing things that remind me of you it all hurts me & I can't even believe we are no longer anything. We aren't friends. We aren't anything. We don't even talk. Last time you talked to me you said we start talking when summer comes along. I'd think if you cared for me you'd want to be in my life and talk to me but nah not you. You don't care. I shouldn't care. Dammit.