Geez who am I that I just left my blog unattended for so long? It takes a stir of my emotions to get me to write and let everything I need to out in the form of laptop keys into words which translate into blog posts. I'm not even sure I still know how or what to write. I'm not sure of most things -- who I want to become, how I feel, or what's going on. I'm just taking each moment as it comes and dealing with it someway I deem fit. Although, I'm not in shape for what is being thrown at me and I am struggling to keep up. 

My current boyfriend is a source of light. He is a ray of sunshine that keeps illuminating me and supporting my decisions however unpredictable, stubborn, and reckless they may be. He likes to keep me in check and I know as much as I want to rebel that he has the best of intentions and therefore I need to listen more. He has helped me pick up the pieces of my broken life from the moment we shared our first sleepover and I'm not sure he knows how much he has done/continues to do for me. He has been full of surprises since the moment I've laid eyes on him. He is a genuine human being with more care than I have ever seen compacted into a male body. If only he was here to comfort me at night. u__u

I hate that I have a hard time sleeping alone. I like to think I'm independent and here I am a self-proclaimed insomniac, re-reading old blog posts, becoming a riled mess of emotions, and blaming my boyfriend for living miles upon miles away for not curing my loneliness. I'm not really lonely or alone. I have him in spirit. He touches my soul in waves. I can't forget him. It's great I have him to love, cherish, and appreciate & he does the same for me. Long distance is incredibly hard and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. When you go from spending months sleeping side-by-side w/ an amazing person to laying in your childhood bed surrounded by pillows, that void in your heart feels almost as great as if you were the last person on Earth. I know I'm being dramatic but it's hard to explain how bad I feel when I can't talk to him and allow him to reassure me of my thoughts. I hate not being able to communicate with him but I know if I stay strong and patient he will get back to me. 

I will be seeing you soon. We don't go too long without seeing each other and that's very reassuring. I love being with you & I cannot wait! 

I assure you you're the best birthday present I'll receive this year. 
Thank you for staying with me despite all my mistakes. 
Thank you for all the chances you've given me and continue to give me. 
I hope I repay you in all the right ways. 

Thanks for not giving up on me so far.