"I ain't got no time for no relationshit"

Oh my god, why do I keep thinking about him? I tell you I cannot stop thinking about him. Like today, on my run I couldn't stop thinking about him. When I was in tottenville the other night with friends I kept imagining I would see him. I had even passed his block driving to my friend's house. I was thinking about him on the drive to the movies, during the movie, and on the drive back from the movie. I kept thinking about how it was Friday and how it was our day to go to the movies. I had even gotten the crazy idea that I might see him there. When the regal theatres roller coaster thing went on I was thinking about how retarted we were during it. I saw a girl lift up her arms like I did. I remember him holding onto me for dear life. I miss kisses so much. To be honest, I miss his kisses the most. I miss the way I would kiss his neck and how he would kiss the top of my head. I miss him. It's not the same.

I keep thinking about seeing him at school. I cannot believe I even imagined this but I had imagined that he would just grab me and kiss me and how confused he would make me but how I would kinda like for that to happen. That is so bad to think! I know it is!

I need to, I must, stop thinking about him.

I need to get over him.

I guess the lonely bugs kicking in.

I don't know how I could ever believe I wouldn't feel lonely without him.

But hey, I'd rather us both be happy.

On August 2nd at 8:45pm he texts me, "Well. Youre done with me and most likely found someone else. So ill delete your number and just try to forget about you. I love you. Goodbye." That's really been the end. I believe he has kept his words & we haven't spoken since. I mean yes I miss him but with him texting me it made me miss him so much more & made me want to go back to him. It made it harder for me to stay strong. Knowing that he really is out of my life kinda makes me a bit happier. If I didn't make a cautious effort when we were going out to see him then I wouldn't so I'm not worrying about seeing him, I mean besides school. I feel like in school it might get a bit awky but we shall see. For some reason I feel like darting away at the sight of him but I can't let him hold me back from anything and that means no matter what I'm not stopping/ giving up on anything just because of him. I'd hope he would do the same. I just deleted whatever music I had for him on my itunes.

I guess that is all.