I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUUUUU

It has been decided against my better judgement that I shall spend tonight venting out whatever feelings are still floating throughout my mind in the form of a poorly written blog. All those that wish to no longer become intertwined with the inner-workings of a suckish 17yr old's life may proceed to read no further. You've been warned.

Would you take someone else's trust for granted?

I wish it wasn't this way. 
I wish you didn't give me hope. 
I wish you didn't waste your time speaking to me. 
I wish you didn't have the ability to blind me with excitement and lust. 

How does a person go from talking to another human being for three straight days (mind you flirtatious talk consumed most of the conversation) to having yourself a girlfriend? How can you tease/please one person meanwhile calling another "baby"? Why do I bother asking questions that will never be answered nonetheless ever be seen by he who this post is precisely about?

I sit here listening to the 'Pierce the Veil Radio' of Pandora which I know offers me no consolation and I completely embrace this. Is this maybe why I don't mind bringing you back into my life? I had my own hunches. I knew to keep my guard up when it came to you. But I neglected this because of some stupid hope that maybe you aren't some sort of deviant. 

Is it right of you to do this to me a second time? Regardless I don't own the proper lady bawls to tell you off. How can I hypocritically ask you to stop speaking to others when I refused to stop? I doubt you realize this even hurts me.. Do you seek revenge? If only I could refute your cruel actions. 

I wonder what you think of me. Who am I to you? Or perhaps what am I to you? Do you prefer to use me or abuse me? 

Once again I'll push you away from my life. 
I don't want to see you. 
Please don't string me along more. 
I can't take it.

I need to stop. Why am I still obsessing over you? I can answer my own question; you are so damn addicting. All I need to see is interest from you and I swoon.