Tonight

I had you in my arms & at any given moment it could've been the last time we ever encountered each other. I can't explain how much I appreciate you but I do, oh so much, I do appreciate you. If there's one person I'd want to dedicate my life to it would be you. There is no doubt in my mind that you'd do the same for me. I hate not knowing what to do/what to say to make things better. Not knowing what reaction I will stir from you after provoking you scared me more than anything. Being in an uncontrollable situation that I myself have caused by saying what I did is not my kind of goodbye. I guess I'm glad I brought it out in the open. Take it or leave it I suck and it's up to you if you want to deal with me. I'm cruel. I'm special. I'm unappreciative. But I don't ever mean to hurt anyone. I don't mean to provoke anger/sadness/envy.

I saw you walking away from me but holding yourself back. I was frozen with fear. I could make things worse, watch me, I know I can. But I went to you. I didn't know what to say and I say all the wrong things regardless. Whatever I say or do won't help if you won't let it. I saw the anger, how shaken you were, just all of the hurt I inflicted. I wish it wasn't this way