so yes it has been a while. I'm as single as a dollar bill. It's not exactly something I am proud of but I am not putting this title down in any way. I was single when I was born, I've been single for at least 15 years of my life before I had met someone. I can be single until someone better, someone worthwhile, someone that makes me happy, someone I need, someone I'll love forever & always comes by. I mean that's what I really need. Junior year is a toughie, there's all this pressure ! I can say that I don't hate it though.

I do however hate that I broke my toe, going up the stairs of Tottenville High School. Lol, only me. :( My junior year cross country running is pretty much over with. I find out November 30th if I get to get rid of the boot and if I get to start running again and god knows how many races I'll miss by then :/ It actually saddens me considering this is my favorite season! I just want to be back. I love running, I don't feel as bad about eating since I run/workout. I can't do that with a broken toe -______- I can't even zumba and I was starting to really like love zumba.

On Mondays from 8-9 i have been going with Lauren & Amanda to bubble's playhouse. They have a black light and it's sick! It is really called Zumba Fitness so it's pretty much a workout where you get to dance your butt off. Anyone can go and no one will judge you no matter how unrythmed you are. I have realized that most girls just care about themselves and don't bother what you are doing. Considering how much rythmn I have this is wonderful. There's this one woman in the front row who dances amazing, the way she moves her body and how skinny she is, I am always so completely jealous of her! There is also this bigger woman in front of me usually and she sure can dance, even though she is greater than most girls she moves as if she is 40lbs lighter and she's great! I mean I am definetly not the best dancer, I actually suck, but I am actually comfortable to dance or at least try to, and it's one of the things I like. I like the songs, the way our bodies move, the fact that it is a great workout, and well it does make me feel sexy. It doesn't help that no matter how terrible I am dancing I have the biggest smile on my face the entire hour. I just love it.

Anyways, I lost weight in the summer! :D I went from 126 to 121 and I weighed 121 as a freshman, my first year of Tottenville. I was absolutely ecstatic but with this boot and the beginning of Cctober and more of junior year and a whole lot of food later, I have went up to 123. This saddens me, especially considering the fact that I can't workout or anything anymore with this boot :/ I told the doctor I am on a track team & he told me not now I am not; there's just no way I am giving up and I will get back asap ! I am allowed on the stationary bike and that's what I can do for now and i've been doing core too. I guess if I really wanted to I could also try to workout my arms and/or do more pilates as long as it doesn't involve me bending my toe (which I am not allowed to do).

& my ex, my example of how much fun I could have, how happyI could be with someone, how someone could make me feel, and how believing in each other changes everything. Well supposedly he is getting with some fat, short, ugly girl. I haven't exactly seen her so I can't really say anything but still I am sure he could do so much better or at least deserves it. I don't understand why he needs to find happiness in someone else when people can be happy on their own. It is really hard but I just feel like he is searching so hard to find someone else, maybe even someone to replace me, when he can be improving himself and making himself happier just on his own. I really do miss being in a relationship but I know better than to search for it when I know I am not exactly the happiest and best right now.

I am having my sick insecurities this year about my weight, track, my grades, college, what I want to be and do with my life.

ohmygoodness I have a class called medical laboratory & assisting but on my program card it says med lab and ass so obviously that is what I am going to refer to it as, tehe!, well the other day my ass teacher ranted about how those who don't know what they want to be/do don't have goals and don't have a reason to be going to school. Personally I like love school, I also have no idea what I want to do with my life. I can't exactly picture my life 10, 15, 20 years from now. I would like to have time to workout, to raise a family, own a dog, work in new york city.I would love to go to college in the city, that's always been one of my aspirations. But I still don't know what I want to be. This scares me. I want to do something that can impact others. My parents keep pushing me into the medical field because they know it pays, I just don't know if that's me. I don't mind blood, I hate ass class besides when we watch House.. I really like that show actually, and I would like to have the freedom to pick out what I'd like to wear and scrubs are definitely not what I'd like to wear. I would like to be interested in my work, to possibly have an office, I actually like projects and I work hard. I like computers and I consider myself pretty tech savy. I'd love to work on movies. I go to the movies every Friday night with my momma and I would love to work possibly on animations or something, well anything!

I have quite a lot to think about and it is 2:43am and there is snow/slush on the ground and it's October.. I guess we can consider this insanity.. possibly? I don't even know anymore. Halloween is the day after well today and I am going all out, I am collecting all this candy & I am Jewish so this free candy is like gold! After Halloween however I am going on a strict diet, no ifs, ands, or butts I will !

Well it is time for me to get to bed. Nightie night to those late night nocturnal beasts, good morning to the early risers, and good day to those moving forward! :)