Tonight

I had you in my arms & at any given moment it could've been the last time we ever encountered each other. I can't explain how much I appreciate you but I do, oh so much, I do appreciate you. If there's one person I'd want to dedicate my life to it would be you. There is no doubt in my mind that you'd do the same for me. I hate not knowing what to do/what to say to make things better. Not knowing what reaction I will stir from you after provoking you scared me more than anything. Being in an uncontrollable situation that I myself have caused by saying what I did is not my kind of goodbye. I guess I'm glad I brought it out in the open. Take it or leave it I suck and it's up to you if you want to deal with me. I'm cruel. I'm special. I'm unappreciative. But I don't ever mean to hurt anyone. I don't mean to provoke anger/sadness/envy.

I saw you walking away from me but holding yourself back. I was frozen with fear. I could make things worse, watch me, I know I can. But I went to you. I didn't know what to say and I say all the wrong things regardless. Whatever I say or do won't help if you won't let it. I saw the anger, how shaken you were, just all of the hurt I inflicted. I wish it wasn't this way

:'/

 I cried over the possibility of losing him. I'm a sucker . I've gone soft. My friends were right this iron heart is beating.

I'm here once again but no worries I am not torn into pieces! -- At least not that many...

Things for the most part for me have been going swell. I can't complain (too much). 

I have a genuine, kindhearted, intelligent, astonishing, sweet, loving, compassionate, caring, enthusiastic, talented, heartwarming, stimulating, downright amazing, and many many more complimenting features in the form of a boyfriend. My boyfriend. It's still kind of crazy to me that I have him to call my own. He's been here for me for almost 3 months. We're crazy addicted to each other. After countless nights and days and bubble teas as well as other adventures he never ceases to amaze me. He comforts me (even when I don't deserve it). He acknowledges my existence. He flatters me. He continues to make me feel better about myself. I trust him with all that I have. I feel no doubt in saying that he is one of the most important and loveliest people that I have ever had the opportunity of meeting. He has shown me great music and continues to do so. He continually shows me respect in a way that I am hardly even used to. He heightens my curiosity and keeps me on the edge of things. I just see sososo many beautiful things in him. Not to mention how handsome he is. C; I don''t know enough words to describe just how awesome he truly is. To think two strangers from a concert could blossom into so much more completely baffles me. 


Passion certainly has a mind of its own. 
We all have minds of our own. Even if some people don't like to use them to their fullest advantage. 
To think our minds and our hearts have predetermined that we shall like/understand/adhere/respond/want/need each other is unbelievable.  

I just hope nothing gets in our way. 
I hope nothing gets between us. 
Nothing. 
Not anyone. 
Not anything. 
Not distance. 
Not any potentially threatening factor. 

I see us both trying to make things work regardless of any circumstance. 
I see us believing in each other. 
I see us sad as well as happy. 
I see us bitter as well as consolidated. 
I see us tense as well as anxious.
I hope the good outweighs the bad.  

Cannot Help But Hate This

I hate how I feel like I can never escape.
I hate the fact that I'm even home right now.
I'm cringing being here.

Is anyone else as unhappy as I am at this dark hour? 

Are you alone like I am?

I Should Know Better/

I don't understand how someone can just get under my skin 3 full days after they do something. I am so stupidly oblivious when I see some sort of attention/care from someone that I disregard all else and in the end I mess up every damn time. Times when I think I'm done and truly over it and happy just completely become backtracked. It's as if happiness never lasts but every single time I hope it does. I don't understand how someone can toy with someone else's emotions or company. I don't understand how someone could be such a dickwad. I don't understand how I can be so infuriated and angry and full of well-deserved hate and still be completely civil and polite and respectful. I know what comes to me every time we speak and I completely let it happen esp when everything and everyone tells me not to. I don't want your replacement or you in any way, shape, or form. I just want to be elated and cared for and not spontaneously intrigued and then completely forgotten. I know what I deserve and it's certainly not the way you have and continue to treat me. 

I need to quit you once and for all. 

I need to forget you.