Today, someone offered to buy me food, a guy friend in particular. And before that when he sat next to me, he told me that I was the first friend he made at college and how great he thought talking to me was as if it was an honor that he got to talk to me. I told him I'm not even cool. I don't think of myself as someone that great but it was so refreshing to I guess be appreciated. Someone wanted to talk to me while the one I have and love and want to talk to just idk.. I don't feel even a quarter appreciated by the man who holds my beating heart in his hand. /:

I asked this person where his friend was sleeping for the night and he said they would cuddle in his bed and invited me to sleep in between them. I said, "nahh I have a boyfriend!" And the friend goes, " soccer has a goalie... I have a goldfish.. Oh I thought we were naming things that are irrelevant."

My guy friend also caught a glimpse of my tattoo and asked me about it so I showed him it and he told me I was gift-wrapped and everything (my tattoo has a bow in it, it's a thigh garter wrapped around my ankle). 

I gotta say it was refreshing to feel wanted or even just appreciated by someone. I just think back to these two conversations and it kinda saddens me that this is what made my night. I receive texts from my boyfriend saying how he would see me later on tomorrow evening which means holding off dinner. I don't even think I want dinner anymore tbh. I know he doesn't want it. I keep pushing it and I hate that. I also wouldn't want him stuck in traffic wasting time driving up for me, I'm not worth so much. I guess I just really want to see him and see if things get better. That's all I can ever think about is if things will get better.. Is if he will see something he had stopped seeing in me, if he will appreciate me and all the things I do and have ever done for him. Maybe I'm asking too much. I just want to feel wanted by my own boyfriend.~~