It's so hard when you feel so lonely and have a guy that you care for and want and adore far away from you and a willing ex-boyfriend. Things messed up greatly between the ex and I. I'm starting to let go of him because I want to not because I feel I need to which is great. It's more progress. I'm starting to finally adjust and think more for myself. 

It's difficult because I feel as if I can't entirely put my all into another person. I'm still scared. I did with him and then when he was gone picking up the pieces was so difficult. This kind of mind state is not fair for the person that's showing me respect & affection & everything I may not even deserve. He treats me right and I adore him for it. He's grown on me. I catch myself thinking of him and wishing he was close. I miss his kisses. I miss him. I can't wait until we are together again.

On a side note, this summer's going to be an interesting one. I can feel it.